We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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