Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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