I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
