I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
