I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
