he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
