yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
