Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
