Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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