Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
