There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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