those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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