he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
