That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
