i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
