jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
