She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
this will be a night to untag.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
