I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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