I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
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My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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