And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
