Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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