I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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