dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize