WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
