My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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