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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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