I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
