Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
