You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
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Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.