So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.