well I can't set my house on fire every night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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