Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?

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(312): so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion? http://tfl.nu/og9d

Replies (97) Good night (1020) Bad night (8119)
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(254): View more from Texas

oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick

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(254): oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick http://tfl.nu/vqpx

Replies (13) Good night (3473) Bad night (1055)
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(207): View more from Maine

He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.

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(207): He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ. http://tfl.nu/rtl1

Replies (25) Good night (9481) Bad night (968)
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(661): View more from California

Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil

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(661): Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil http://tfl.nu/8mk8

Replies (10) Good night (1816) Bad night (1206)
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(530): View more from California

so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro

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(530): so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro http://tfl.nu/frkc

Replies (5) Good night (1705) Bad night (763)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.

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(978): I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened. http://tfl.nu/wamv

Replies (11) Good night (2532) Bad night (1264)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing

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(+44): you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing http://tfl.nu/zvza

Replies (10) Good night (4204) Bad night (1498)
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(319): View more from Iowa

You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.

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(319): You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar. http://tfl.nu/ei6k

Replies (2) Good night (1466) Bad night (828)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong

(980): View more from North Carolina

And?

(704): View more from North Carolina

He melted the stem

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(704): He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong (980): And? (704): He melted the stem http://tfl.nu/v50e

Replies (7) Good night (868) Bad night (1890)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.

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(816): Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going. http://tfl.nu/sjn0

Replies (11) Good night (2606) Bad night (827)
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(914): View more from New York

I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.

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(914): I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot. http://tfl.nu/25dg

Replies (9) Good night (1031) Bad night (530)
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(818): View more from California

You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.

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(818): You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain. http://tfl.nu/pico

Replies (0) Good night (840) Bad night (331)
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(669): View more from California

And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach

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(669): And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach http://tfl.nu/x5nk

Replies (8) Good night (886) Bad night (370)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to

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(978): They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to http://tfl.nu/mjdy

Replies (6) Good night (480) Bad night (621)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.

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(502): My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things. http://tfl.nu/bhbf

Replies (1) Good night (474) Bad night (222)

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