Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
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i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues