I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
