Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
