he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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