9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.