the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.