she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
