What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
