Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
