she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
