i would punch a child for taco bell
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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