you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
