Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
