So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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