I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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