I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
