I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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