I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
