my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
