I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
