I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
