I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
