You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
