Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
