it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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