Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
