oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Randomize
