Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
