Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
