Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
