sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize