I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
