A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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