make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
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She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize